Heart Shaped Halo 
Heart Shaped Halo
it's late at night and i feel too sleepy to write much. all day, it was gray and foggy and rainy, and then at sunset the clouds parted just enough to let the sun through. it was quite beautiful. at that hour, i was talking with Twelve and i felt very blessed.
today was a boring day, in the end. i did some homework, ate lunch, and putzed around on the internet. i'd like to not do so much putzing, and fill my time with more interesting endeavours.
like the other day, i started on the second draft of a fanfiction that i wrote last month. i really like writing it! it's fun! i even printed it out and marked it up with a pink pen so that i could revise more easily. i'd love to finish the second draft if only so i might give it the same treatment. it's sooo fun.
i'd also like to draw more... i did draw some silly things this evening, and i liked it a lot. even though i'm not very good at drawing, i always have fun when i can use my doodles to tell a joke. i want to tell many, many more jokes just for myself and Twelve. i love it when i can make the both of us laugh.
and i like going outside to walk about and think quietly. i like making music playlists. i like reading books and learning about different things, like plants and animals and social sciences. i like singing and playing instruments... speaking of, i haven't written any original music in almost a year now! maybe i will change that sometime.
the point is that there are many, many fun and exciting and creative things i can do every single day. but instead i have chosen the easy route and just been on the internet... i mean, if i'm really dying to sit in front of a screen, i can just make new pages for this website!
speaking of, i made a new music diary. :+D and i have a new april diary already polished, too. i'd really like to finish my OTP shrine as well, and make some more new things too... uwah... there's just so much to do. i want to have fun!! i want to, and i can. i will. everything will be okay.
in the end, i wrote quite a bit, huh? i guess once i start journalling it's hard to stop.
whoa! it's so foggy outside this morning that i can't see the ground from my window. i love weather like this, when the whole world is shrouded in white. the air is all wet, somehow warm yet cool at the same time. i've got all the windows open to really soak in the breeze and the birdsong.
last night, too, it was very rainy— great background noise for sleeping, as Twelve said. i hope that we can have more rainy days as springtime rolls in. the sounds are really calming. wow, this just proves that i love water in all forms. oceans, lakes, puddles, ponds, creeks, rivers, rain, and even fog... (you like water? okay, name three of their albums.)
today i'll do my laundry, do classwork, and maybe take a walk. all so very mundane, considering today is a very important anniversary! Twelve and i have been dating for one year now. i feel so so so very blessed to have her. as time goes on, we're only becoming stronger and more and more in love. i want to talk again soon. we spent the early, early morning together, but it's just not enough. i can't wait until she comes home from work!
in other news, yesterday i went walking in a light drizzle. i love my umbrella so much— i just had to find an excuse to carry it around. now that the snow has melted, i'm getting much better with navigating. i want to walk around more and more, if only to enjoy the air. for today, though, since it seems it'll be a bit busier than usual, i'll likely stay inside.
later on in the morning, i'll eat some soup leftover from yesterday. i feel very confident and okay with my life. i'd even say i feel optimistic! everything will be okay. i want to hold onto these feelings for as long as i can...
once i finally decided to get out of bed, i went right to wash my face and get a drink of water, then prepped my laundry. it feels good to be clean and hydrated and productive, and all before 8 a.m.! i hope it's okay to be proud of myself for such little things. sometimes, it feels monumental.
down the street, the sun is rising. birds are going "caw, caw, caw." i bet the air is chilly, but inside i feel warm and comfortable. i've been wide awake for a couple hours now, just enjoying the solitude and the quiet. it's nice. i love the early morning. after all, that's why i'm the five a.m. girlfriend.
last night was my first time trying four loko. and it is... very powerful. we split the can threeways, yet that was enough alcohol to make me sufficiently loopy and enough caffeine to have me crashing hard after just a couple hours. though i do go to bed early as a habit, i'm rarely dead tired at only 19:00. there's three more unopened cans, but i really oughtn't drink it by myself. plus, that stuff is way too sugary! i'll get cavities.
that said, it was a fun night. i had a good time hanging out with my family. we ate pizza! i couldn't finish mine because i was too nauseous and sleepy, but i'm glad that i didn't throw up. it would have been such a waste of good pizza.
today, i'll get to restart my Animal Crossing island! that's what i'm looking forward to the most. i made sure to get all my work done during the week so that i can just play and enjoy myself on the weekend. that's the way responsible adults do it, right?
childishness won't serve me well anymore. it already hasn't, for quite a while now. though i'm pretty youthful in appearance, i can't get away with too much immaturity. i want to grow up and become a Real Person who does Real Things and has Real Feelings... even though it's difficult, i'm looking forward to it! i just want to be a little bit happy every once in a while. i don't think that is asking for too much.
i got to say good morning to Twelve before she left for work. lately i haven't been waking up at the same time as her— or maybe i do, but i'm too sleepy to say anything? i'll talk with her about it later. i love her so much. i want to write in my love diary again soon.
today i am 21 years old, and i've had a nice day so far! the first thing i heard this morning was Twelve sneezing, and when i replied "bless you" she was so glad to see me. she told me happy birthday! it was so sweet and wonderful! before bed, i had been daydreaming that she would tell me that first thing in the morning. how lucky i am that it came true.
the weather is a bit chilly today and totally overcast, but i don't mind. i still got to wear a cute dress with knee socks when i went out! i bought myself some snacks to celebrate the day— delicious cookies and crisps. also, in my bullet journal, i saved my one Entei sticker for today. i felt so happy sticking him next to today's date! i love Entei!!!
i have some homework to do, but i think i will put it off til tomorrow. for today, i wanna have fun and do nice things. Love Nikki has been especially kind, so i'll play it a bit more! oh, and i just read my old diary entry from one year ago today. funny how much things have changed since then, huh? i wonder if the me of the past could have anticipated any of this... i hope i am making her proud.
on my way back from the store, i caught the train just in time. i felt very efficient and cool and grown up. also, my outfit is very soft and warm! usually i change back into comfy pajamas when i get home, but i kept it on for some reason. maybe it's to incentivise myself to go out and get a proper lunch, ahaha. in any case, i want to wear it again sometime while the weather is still cold.
while normally i would complain about the chilliness again, i've gotten used to this tenuous time between winter and spring. i'll feel much better when i can see some leaves on the trees, but until then i'll just wait patiently for the warm weather to return. and keep a sweater on inside, too.
today, i'll have fun making pages for Neocities. there's stuff to do in the afternoon, but i don't have to worry about it right now. i'd like to enjoy the morning as best as i can. after all, i'm off to a really good start! i already had a shower and i've even been outside for a short walk. a bit later, i'll have lunch and i'll play Love Nikki while i eat.
a pretty lady complimented my coat. i told her i got it because i wanted to look as though i belong in a Hallmark movie. we laughed, and then i told her where she could buy one, too. i hope that she finds it easily! the style would look great on her, i'm sure.
good morning neocities! as for the weather, it's chilly again! i'm so sad that the bright, warm spring days have already passed me by. i want them to come back and stay this time. every night, the wind has been absolutely brutal, and it'll be near freezing when i'm out later tonight... i'll be sure to dress warmly so i don't catch a cold.
lately i've been thinking, what would i do if i only had one year left to live? the answer is: i'd read as many books as i can, listen to nice music that makes me happy, and spend as much time as possible with Twelve. why can't i live like that normally? the answer is: there's nothing stopping me. i've got a couple short Steinbeck paperbacks sitting around. why not start there? i'll put on Harvest Moon soundtracks and just read.
i'd like to shower first, though. i'm stinky! and maybe tidy my room a little bit. at the very least, i'll take the trash out.
in the end, i didn't have any time at all for reading! i've been rushing around doing laundry all along, though i haven't really minded. going to and from the laundry room is good exercise. i also tried out my hand steamer thing— it's like if an iron was shaped like a ray gun! also it's very easy to use, for which i am glad.
i fashioned a little to-do list out of cardboard and post-it notes. before, i just had the post-it notes on the wall and they were liable to fall off at any moment. the adhesive sticks much better to cardboard. so i was happy not only for the ingenuity, but for the series of brightly coloured insect stickers i used as decorative trim. super cute!
yet another week has passed us by... today it's rather cold outside. i wish that i could keep my window open for the fresh air, but it gives me a chill. nevertheless, the sky is bright. i think spring truly is on the way. after all, springtime can't just disappear... right?
i feel really all over the place, sometimes. it's hard to remember feelings from just a couple weeks ago. i want to be okay. every once in a while, i want to do fun things and be reasonably happy. that sort of wish is pretty modest, right?
don't feel like eating today. i enjoy writing in my little bullet journal. maybe i can spend the day making new pages for this site... i want to finish my redesign of the Soukoku shrine! in the new version, there will be a fun, hidden gimmick that i find really cool (Twelve will like it, i hope!)
and i want to make a new music diary. i've been neglecting the preexisting one because i think it's ugly, even though i'd really like to keep track of what i've been listening to lately... also there is an Animal Crossing page in the works, because i plan to restart my New Horizons game next weekend.
of course, there is homework to do. i really dislike my Greek History course... it's so boring and annoying, and i think the professor dislikes me. though, i'd probably have an easier time if i would just do the readings, ahaha.
today is another bright, warm day. in the wind and shade it gets pretty chilly, but the sunshine is just darling. i spent more time outside today than i have in ages! it was really nice... i think the fresh air was good for me. with spring on the way, i want to spend some more time in nature. i hope that i can find some nice spots nearby without any litter.
i went shopping this morning. in the end, it was a really tiny thrift store, one that i had passed by many times before without ever noticing. i feel a bit silly to think there would be a huge store that i hadn't already known about, despite living in the area all my life! either way, it was a nice place. i bought a picture book and a soft t-shirt. the lady at the counter even gave me a good deal. i think i will go back sometime and see if i can buy some jeans...
most of the stuff there was way too big for me, so maybe i can look into up-cycling! i know that some ladies make rompers from men's shirts. sewing is really fun and i have my own sewing machine, though i've yet to learn to use it. i'd like to learn, if only so i can mend things and make adjustments.
it's a nice day. i wanna chat with Twelve soon, but i have some fun things i can do in the meantime. listening to a podcast... smiling at my silly desktop background... i just feel really at peace.
when i make eye contact with other people, they smile at me. it makes me really happy, even though i know it's just good customer service. i'm glad that i'm worthy of it, either way.
when i woke up this morning, the whole world was shrouded in fog. it was so humid in my room because i left the windows open overnight. it's hard to picture that gloomy, grey morning when the sun is so bright right now. even though the sky is still cloudy and not very blue, it really feels like spring. i can't wait to go outside in a bit. the forecast says it's going to be very warm!
there are some boring things to take care of today, but i know that i can make it through. more than anything, i'm excited for tomorrow. i wanna go thrift shopping! these days, now that i'm finally wearing Real People Clothes again, i'm noticing more and more that my outfit options are pretty limited. i miss my high school days when i had a big wardrobe to choose from. now that i've got so much storage space, i might as well expand again.
so i've already bought a few secondhand sweaters~! they'll arrive around my birthday! i'm really excited to wear them, and i hope that they're nice and soft. i also hope that i can get a couple dresses, something casual and simple. and i really really want a pair of high waisted jeans, or at least jean shorts. i've always wanted to wear that style but never got the chance. now that the weather is warming up, it's finally time!
there is this school of thought about women's fashion, that by dressing for your body type and facial structure, you'll look much better. it's called Kibbe! and though it sounds obvious to accentuate one's best features, there are way more categories than just "hourglass shape" and "apple shape" or whatever. my type, specifically, is soft classic. the most important styling advice for soft classic types is to strive for symmetry and balance. not the most specific advice, but i'll do my best.
personally, my best qualities are my waist and my legs, so i'll go for fitted silhouettes and miniskirts as usual. but ah, i wish i knew how to style my hair in a way that doesn't look so silly! i want it to match my cute outfits...
anyway, when i'm shopping i'll be on the lookout for items that match stuff i already own. i have so many pleated skirts that i've never worn, so it'd be nice to get some cute tops. maybe i should bust out the thigh high socks again? we'll see!
for breakfast, i had a cup of tea. it was very warm and easy to drink. i finished it while i did some homework, and i had a lot of fun pausing for a sip as i re-read my paper aloud. comforting. sweet. good.
i'm really hungry. i think i'll have some pizza for lunch.
yet another blustery cold March day! right now, the sun is setting. i like the way it shines so warmly over my bed as it slips down the sky... and the sky is so blue! it's gorgeous.
well, we've made it through the first week of the month. somehow, it seems like it went by quickly. yet at the same time, Monday feels like a forever ago. i had a nice, laidback weekend spent reading and playing games as usual. i like sitting quietly and minding my own business. i never get tired of it.
everything on my to-do list is all crossed off as far as university goes. i can just relax for the rest of the evening and not worry about much of anything.
after months of deliberation, i've finally decided to restart my Animal Crossing: New Horizons town! i haven't played consistently since before Halloween and i'm starting to really miss the game... it's just so cute and fun! i get really absorbed in fishing and decorating and arranging my flowerbeds.
maybe it's silly, but i feel like a huge weight has been lifted, lol. 
it will be a while longer before i can actually restart, since i need some more time to prepare, but i'm looking forward to it!
chilly today! and yesterday, too. the wind is so strong that it can nearly knock me over. even though the snow has mostly melted, it won't truly be springtime until i can go outside without walking into the full force of a gale. i hope the birds will come back, too. i miss their singing!
today's another laidback day spent inside, mostly because i have chores to do— and also because it's so cold! when the weather warms up, i'd love to go on regular walks again. in the meantime, i'll busy myself with indoor activities, like writing and drawing and laying oh so comfortably in my warm bed. speaking of, i'd like to change the linens today. and i wish i had a vacuum! the floor is super gross in here and it will only get worse.
but i don't really care to complain. i think i'll eat something sweet and tidy up a bit more. Twelve will be home soon!
i've started bullet journaling again, just a little bit. after so long writing only on Neocities or making lists on my phone, i've come to miss jotting things down in a physical notebook. i'm kind of obsessed with my little to-do post-it notes, too, stuck up on the wall by my desk. i've got like 3 different colours of paper and they're all adorable.
anyways, about my bullet journal. it's nothing special, just a palm sized spiral notebook that i nabbed on sale or something. it's got sea turtles on the front! and though i'm not the best at finishing everything on my to-do list, i really enjoy writing down my appointments and the things i'm thinking about. it's fun to change the little markings, even if i'm moving a task forward a day rather than crossing it off as complete.
every day, i put a new pokemon sticker next to the date. i really like that part, too.
last night was super duper foggy, so much that the streetlamps looked like huge orbs of light. it was warm though, just like this morning. with the birds singing too, it's beginning to feel like spring. i'll know that the season has changed for sure once i see some tulips popping up!
monday, huh... that's a nice day to start the month, because it feels like i've been thrown right into the action. March should be good! i have high hopes for it! my birthday is in about 3 weeks. i'm gonna take the train to the nearest liquor store and buy a Four Loko and get wasted. but that is not what i'm most excited for!
i'm much more interested in the time i spend with Twelve, and how my life is moving forward. technically, i've been making substantial progress since last year... the difference is that now, i have this renewed strength and a lot of things to hope for. my life doesn't feel aimless. i feel purposeful, like i'm finally on the path that God laid out for me.
today, i hope to tidy up a bit and enjoy my lectures. by accident, i fell behind in one of my less engaging classes, so this week i will surely make up for it. and on top of that... i've decided not to eat anymore junk food. i prefer vegetables and stuff, anyway. (that said, i still plan to have some pizza for lunch, ahaha)
a hot, hot shower! i felt really clean when i stepped out. plus, it's always nice to put on Real Clothes instead of living in pajamas all the time. i'm pretty cute when i put in a little effort.
Twelve has suggested a couple times that i get into a routine. i rather like waking up early to chat with her before work, and then rolling out of bed just after 0800. this morning i popped right into the shower... it was great. made me feel like an adult with places to go today. and i am! cheers, Me of the Future. let's savour this feeling for as long as we can.
