24th of May, 2021

overcast, cloudy skies today, and i could not be more thankful! though i expected to burn up, it was actually pretty chilly on my walk to and from work today. i'm really glad that i ran back in to grab a sweater before i left.

that said, work went well!!!! when i first clocked in, i was really nervous, and at first i thought i would never get a hang of my workspace. luckily, i managed to figure things out and get into a good groove. i even asked other people for help! that's big for me, where usually a combination of shyness and pride prevents me from opening my mouth!!!

i'm really glad to be home. despite working only ~4 hours, i started to feel antsy towards the end. finally, i understand those self-help and studying gurus who emphasise taking breaks! just imagine slogging through a 9-5 everyday... still, i'm very excited to go back. if i'm lucky, i might even pick up an extra shift or two during the week.

my afternoon will be occupied by sorting, cleaning, and packing, as usual. i'm looking forward to liberating my stuffed animals, who til now have been waiting patiently for me in a big suitcase. i want to cuddle with them again!

23rd of May, 2021

it was very, very hot and humid today! luckily, i only went outside in the morning and avoided the worst of it. despite staying in, i feel still very, very sweaty!! ugh!! that's just what happens when you run up and down and all over the place trying to get things done. at the very least, i also feel accomplished.

unpacking, sorting, and re-packing is going pretty well. there is a lot of stuff that i can just get rid of without even thinking twice. it's nice to think about leaving so much stuff behind.

my foremost concern is that books are too heavy for my weak little arms to cart around. in the back of my mind, i wish that House of Leaves had fewer pages, but such would diminish the quality of the book... the price i pay for good literature!

neverminding that, tomorrow is my first day of work. i'm a bit nervous, but mostly about arriving on time after walking in the sun, and i wonder if getting home will be a huge hassle like last time. i also hope that my allergy medicine won't put me to sleep at my desk!!! then again, the anxiety will certainly keep me awake.

ohh, i just want to be with Twelve. the closer we get to the date of our meeting, the more impatient i become. just 10 more days... barely even 2 weeks...! i need her so badly.

20th of May, 2021

it's a beautiful day outside. the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing... and when i went for a walk in my pyjamas this morning, i didn't get sweaty at all. even though it's likely sweltering now in the afternoon time, i count that as a win!

the school year is officially over! well, tomorrow it is. i finished all my assignments and formally nope'd out of the last one (4 page paper on a subject i don't care about? no thank you, i'll take my D-) so there's nothing left to worry about. i'm free! goodbye university!!!!

now i can focus on preparing for my trip to visit Twelve, for which i am soooo very excited! while packing up to move out of the uni dorms, i realised that i have a lot of stuff— like way too much— so i'm looking forward to downsizing. i think i'd like to get rid of all the clothes that i dislike, mostly for being ill-fitting or causing sensory issues. and all the plastic junk! yuck.

i'm only gonna wear nice, soft things from now on, and only in my favourite colours and patterns. despite making that vow several times over the years, i still haven't learnt my lesson huh? well this time it's for real! i hope my barely-worn pleated skirts will delight the aspiring e-girl who finds them in the thrift store.

as much as i'd love to get started on it right away, i am terribly ill and must take to my bed. at least i can mentally sort it out, right? keep, donate, and trash... yeah, i think i'll make a big list. that'll be a good use of my time, and future Five will thank me.

ahhh, i miss Neocities! i'm really glad that Twelve has been reminding me to write more in my diaries. since we're planning to make physical scrapbooks over the summer, i wonder if i'll take a (formal) hiatus from digital journaling? we'll see!

12th of May, 2021

good morning Neocities! coming to you bright and early, still in bed but enjoying the sunshine. it seems to be pretty windy out there. i wouldn't know; i can't open the windows lest i let the pollen in. my eyes are very, very itchy.

yesterday i learnt how to download the assets from Love Nikki and reassemble them to play dressup with all the clothes in the game! it's soooo fun! even more fun than playing the game itself ^__+^;;; in any case, i've created lots of OCs with this method. i want to write about them super in depth later!

for now, i'll just say this much: it's a story about lesbian vampires!!! an extravagant vampire queen has recently awoken from her sudden slumber just in time to throw the soirée of the century. she's aided by her amnesiac maid, a human recently turned vampire with an affinity for nursing the near-dead back to life. together they navigate the secret society of vampires, where most are selfish and dramatic, and everyone is frustratingly hard to kill. but they'd better be careful not to interfere with the human world, because a talented hunter with a lifelong grudge has her eye on the vampire queen's castle...

and that's all she wrote >p< lol!

i think today will be a lucky day. i managed to get right out of bed and do a little cleaning before my nemesis spring-summertime took me out. there's not much to do today except some chores, a small appointment, and think fondly of Twelve. oh how i love her so.

10th of May, 2021

today the sky is very cloudy, yet the sun shines brightly through it all. the cherry blossoms have scattered and the daffodils shriveled up... we're well on our way to summer. how did spring pass us by so quickly?

the school year is over now, too. i can hardly believe that there are only two more weeks, and then i'm done! i'll move out of the dorms, strike up a brief residence back home, and then i'll be headed off to meet my love on another continent... it's so exciting. my heart might start stuttering!!

last week, i watched the English dub of Kaguya-Sama: Love is War. it was amazing. i really love the pretentious, intellectual type of character, but usually the cast can only accomodate one at a time so it was really refreshing to see two of them pitted against each other. plus they're in love! how much better can it get?! also, i really really like the second season opening. the jazzy j-pop reminds me of Kakegurui's insert songs. i was obsessed with "Kono Yubi Tomare" for a couple weeks when i first watched it, haha.

there are some more things to take care of as the semester wraps up, and i've got to lock down my travel plans, too. i'm optimistic that everything will work out swimmingly. i trust in Twelve. that conviction will carry me through everything.

2nd of May, 2021

for the first time since my teenage years, i'm having an allergic reaction to the springtime. today it's rather beautiful outside, a nice pale blue sky after the overcast, not too hot or too cold, and the winds have finally subsided, too. and yet i'm allergic to the beauty!!! nature is waking up and she's attacking my sinuses with a vengeance.

aside from that, it's been a pretty good day so far. i'm doing laundry and i finished up some homework. the semester will come to a close in just three more weeks! i can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed. sometimes it feels as if 5 minutes stretch for an eternity. sometimes i blink and three months have gone by. quite perplexing.

i think i'll spend the rest of the afternoon archiving old pages i've made. to be extra safe, i want to keep them in a couple locations, like on a flashdrive and in google drive. and i'd like to clean out my computer too, scrapping old files that i no longer need and creating a more robust organisational system. it'd also be nice to remove all those unused assets from my Neocities dashboard.

i feel excited just thinking about it! i can't wait to get started. once i find some good background noise, i'll get started right away.

1st of May, 2021

today was very windy and cold! i even wore 2 shirts outside. only now, after the first sweltering days of summer, i can pridefully say that 60 degrees felt cold... but neverminding that, this season is gorgeous! the trees and flowers are in full bloom, and the sunset is shining gold through my window.

somehow even when i feel sad, at the same time i'm happy to wake up every day. i'm grateful for the strength that i've gained by making plans with Twelve. that must be the key, you know? the meaning of life... all along, i just needed something to strive for. i'm glad to see all our efforts culminating so nicely. only 33 more days and we'll be together!

i spent the morning doing boring, legal stuff, and some homework too. since i have a short presentation on Monday, i made sure to prepare! i think it will go well. the best part is that it doesn't really matter— no one will ever see my transcripts! that C+ in Greek History would otherwise earn me a lot of admonishing. luckily for me, i've finally learnt that grades are meaningless~

hmm, some other updates... i've accepted that i've got Asperger's. it just makes a lot of sense, and looking at the symptoms i feel less defective. i'm asocial and obsessive and ugly and strange, making life very painful for me most of the time, but that's just how it goes! at least now there's a reason for it all. no more wondering, "why am i struggling so much when nothing bad ever happened to me?" it's okay. i was just born this way, slightly too misshapen to fit in, and i'll be this way for the rest of my life. honestly, i'm relieved that all the hardship hasn't been for lack of trying.

as i wrote this entry, the sun set completely. Twelve has been sighing in her sleep and she even sneezed once. i'm listening to a historical true crime podcast and twirling my hair. i think i'll get in bed soon. since i made a $5 donation to Neocities, i want to learn more about the new stuff i can do, like the command line interface and mounted drives and whatnot. Twelve asked me to make backups of all my diaries, so i've got to do my best!

May 2021
I Felt Happy Today!