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19th of October: A Close Call!

today is fairly overcast, and the leaves are dropping off the trees bit by bit. i saw a bunch of red oak leaves in someone else's lawn. it's a relief that the season seems to be changing at the correct pace this year. last year, autumn was so delayed that it frightened me...

i could do without the chilly evenings, though. i can't keep my window open anymore or else i shiver all night! maybe i should get some extra blankets. at least the mornings are a little bit better. today, for example, i was perfectly dressed for a little stroll.

this afternoon, i went to the library to pick up some new reading materials. silly me, i thought i had time to walk leisurely and enjoy the scenery. but about halfway there, i realised i was going to be late for class...! in the end, i had to nearly run to and from the library... well, not run. i don't think i have the stamina for that. i walked as fast as my little legs could take me across the uneven sidewalks.

on the bright side, i arrived in time for class and did well on my presentation!!! also i got all the books i wanted— plus an extra from a little free library in someone's yard! i think it'd be nice to draw up a page for book reviews, or as i've called it on my old sites-- reading club!

also, it might be nice to have my diaries separated by months instead of all glommed together on one page. it makes for a scrolling nightmare, after a certain point, and i know that i'm never going to get around to coding in numbered pages. i could even use a template! and maybe learn to use meta names? it'll be fun!

20th of September: Chilly but Bright

the weekend has been fairly calm. i like how it's so sunny, yet so cold! the other day i went out for a walk and shivered the whole time. i'll have to wear my coat more often, but i'm not complaining. it's pink! maybe i could get a little teddybear to pin to the breast as well.

i'm really happy these days. i think lots of wonderful things are going to happen soon. i want to do my best, and be my best. it's all very exciting!

10th of September: Sleepy

it's a rainy day. i woke up before the sunrise and dozed some more, listening to the drizzle. the sky is all white, so the stark green trees really stand out. the weather is finally cooling off a little bit. when the sun shines directly overhead, i can't keep my window open and it's so sad. i hope that autumn comes quickly.

the other day, i was on a walk in the neighbourhood and i pet a very cute cat on the sidewalk. he even rolled over and i got to touch his belly! a black cat, who looked just like a one that i once had. the same face... i wish i could have heard his meowing more clearly, because maybe they had the same voice, too. what if he's my cat after all? it wouldn't be impossible... i hope that i can see him again. i want to pet a kitty cat.

also, i lost my wallet yesterday. totally my fault. it's going to be a big hassle reporting everything stolen, but i guess it won't be too bad... i'll get to ride the train a lot!

also also, i miss making pages for this site. i think it'd be nice to make a new one and i already have some ideas laid out in the navigation page. maybe i will pick one and just go from there. it could be fun to do things with a specific theme. maybe i could make pages just for niche interests, like old fan pages...!

things i might want to research and discuss:

  • magical girl genre
  • tamagotchi
  • sylvanian families
  • my melody and friends
  • rilakkuma and friends
  • pokemon
  • mushrooms
  • parasites
  • marine life

those are just some ideas though, i guess. it might be nice to have an animal crossing diary, too. i don't know. i feel very tired suddenly.

1st of September: Two of them

i saw two cardinals in the same tree for the first time in my life. somehow, i feel like i've never seen two of them at once... it doesn't make any sense. but when i saw them both, flying together, it felt special.

another rainy day. chilly. overcast. it rained softly through the afternoon, though i wasn't paying attention to it. it's past my bedtime. i'm sleepy...

31st of August: Beats per Minute

as i write, i'm in my university music appreciation course. "beats per minute" was the answer to a question that i just gave... 久しぶりだねぇ...i last updated at the end of spring, and now it's the end of summer. i wonder if we'll have warm days that stretch into october, like last year. i remember being so concerned because the leaves weren't browning or falling off. now, i want summer to last forever. it is so sad seeing the hydrangeas bleached by the sun, petals turned snow white, and then crinkling up into nothing like old paper.

i haven't done much in the time between, i think. i do school, sure, but it's not anything special. so i guess i don't really feel like catching up on anything. i'll just pick up like how i always wrote entries before? yeah. i think that's what i'll do!!!!

hello again, i'm the 5am girlfriend. right now, the sky is overcast. it's one of those cool summer mornings where a sundress is not enough, and i'd have done well to carry a sweater on my morning walk. yesterday, i saw a cicada shell in the grass. i could clearly spot the tear in the back, where the cicada had emerged anew. i love bugs so much! every night, the crickets, grasshoppers, and cicadas sing until sunrise. i haven't seen any fireflies in a while, but i rarely go out after sunset, so maybe they are still around, after all.

a while ago i finished watching Hannibal (2013-2015), and i cried all through the final scene & end roll! it was a really fun show... the character interactions were the best part. like i've said about Twin Peaks, the best part of television is the clash of conflicting ideals and motivations. so in Hannibal, i very much enjoyed watching the characters transform, especially as a result of outside influence. an intricate story where every action has a specific purpose, with intentional consequences... that's the kind of story i love the most.

next up, i've decided to watch The Ozarks (2017-) because it also has that appeal: a large cast full of scheming people with interesting motivations. so we'll see how that goes! so far i've only seen a little bit of it, so i'm excited to watch the rest.

today, what i'm most excited for is to play animal crossing! right! i have a nintendo switch lite, a yellow one, but it's got a ton of cute, pink stickers on it. and cinnamoroll stickers! it's soooo cute!!! right now, animal crossing is the only game i have, but it's more than enough. i've played every single day since i first got it, and it's still super duper fun. maybe i can make a page about it? i think that would be a fun way to use the animal crossing pixels that i've had all these years.

so sleepy... i feel like yawning. i feel like taking a nap!!! but i'll be in class all morning... oh well. at least it's not anything boring! i'm really excited about the linguistics class coming up next, too.

29th of May: Dreary but not Unwelcome

like yesterday, the sky is all white. it's drizzling off and on. I'm sure it makes the plants happy, though i wish i could go out for a walk without getting caught in the rain. last night it was really, really warm! i had my window all the way open, but there was no breeze at all. at least right now there is some air coming in... it's nice and cool. i wonder if it smells like rain, too?

i've signed up for some online university classes... it might be a bit bothersome, but it will be good to have something to do. one of the courses is oceanography, which i'm actually excited for. i really like the ocean as a concept! it's so big and deep! i wonder what kinds of things live in it, and what the oceanfloor is like. i wonder what the water feels like at different depths. i wonder how all the underwater creatures get along and survive and do with their days. do fish have hobbies?

that aside, i picked up a mobile game: Rilakkuma's Farm! it's very very cute and kind of addicting... i want to make a big, beautiful, lovely farm!!! right now, i'm growing strawberries, rice, adzuki beans, and tea leaves. and there are cherry trees and apple trees nearby! there are a couple cows and some hens, too~ it's all very sweet. i wonder if there are sheep in this game? i hope so!

i suppose it's nice to just pass the days without a care. i hope that things will continue to be peaceful...

27th of May: Summer Upon Us

it feels like it was the 1st of May just last week, but here we are! everything is green, the weather is warm from dawn to dusk, and it will be June in just a few days. すごいですよね… we've had some casual rainstorms passing through this past week, but right now it's bright and sunny. the birds are happy. the roses are blooming. in March i was always waiting for spring, and now that it's almost June i wonder how the summer will last...

time for media updates! ^.^ i gave up on Twin Peaks. i thought the movie was bad, but the third season was even worse...! i only made it through the first episode, which was two hours long. both works were written and directed very, very differently from the original Twin Peaks and i did not like it. they were overly gruesome and frankly just disgusting. the subject matter is all the same, but it was handled carelessly. plus none of the jokes were funny and even the camerawork was mediocre... what a shame.

and about ensemble stars— i started making a page to talk about it but haven't done much beyond the basics. i haven't even played the game either... there was a fine event with wataru as the 5☆ and eichi as the 4☆! i was really excited about it but i didn't manage to get either of them. i suppose i just don't have the dedciation required to play consistently for a full week. is that a good thing or a bad thing?

luckily the event song is really catchy and i even love the beatmap. now that the event is over, i can play it over and over to my heart's content. at least there's that!

there's more to say, but i'm so sleepy that i just gotta lay down. that's enough for today's search for joy.

21st of May: Antonyms for Buoyant?

"heavy," "weighted," ... neither of them fit. there must be a scientific term for something that is not floating, and i'd prefer it if it sounded just slightly poetic... this is about lemons! the lemons in my lemon water! they are the opposite of buoyant! so i suppose it's time to change out the slices, haha.

it's another beautiful day. two days ago i went out on a walk and picked flowers from around the neighbourhood. i did my best not to trespsass, but on one occasion i saw the most vibrant pink flowers ever... they arrested my heart and i must have stood staring at them for a full minute, trying to persuade myself to just walk away. but they were too beautiful! so i stepped carefully into the yard and plucked off a couple blooms.

for the most part, though, i avoided what felt like stealing or overstepping real boundaries. and anyway, how much of a crime is it to sneak a few blossoms from an overflowing garden? no one will miss them or even notice.

i became a flower thief so i could press them between the pages of an antiques book. it's big! and heavy! it has a hardcover! so i arranged the blossoms and some leaves between sheets of wax paper... now they're sitting patiently, waiting, weighted beneath Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, an art book of Van Gogh's works, and my backpack. in a few weeks time, i'm sure they'll look lovely.

on my travels, i also found a four-leaf clover! she's is very cute and small, and i've included her in the pressing party as well. i can't wait to see how it turns out. i wonder where i'll keep them all? after all, pressed flowers are very delicate.

17th of May: The Day I Discovered Lemon Water

feeling slightly crazy today, so i went for a stroll. it was bright and sunny but not too hot. the sky was perfectly blue. for the most part i was just meandering without a destination in mind— aside from the faint hope that i might make a circuit or come upon a street i recognised so i might easily find my way back home.

it was so peaceful... when my attentions were arrested by a flower further down, i went to greet it. i touched many different leaves and petals. my conclusions: the top part of a leaf tends to be softer than the underside. why is that, i wonder?

some things i saw that made me happy: a lawn ornament in the shape of a rooster, who looked quite impressive from afar but impossibly worn down when seen up close; four pinwheels, which served as the wheels on a car for a little plastic scarecrow; a brown cottontail rabbit whom i must have startled because she suddenly sprinted across the field after i took a step; a giant willow tree, simply amazing to stand beneath because it was so tall; maple leaves overlapping in the sun; a beyblade, slightly grimy (did not take it home); a little pebble shaped like a pentagon (did take it home); houses i would love to live in; and a single streak of white across a blue sky.

no one bothered me, which i appreciated. i listened to songs that i liked when i was younger, ones that make me think of love and destiny. i think all the walking around was good for me... and now that i'm home, i'm drinking lemon water. i've never had it before and wowie is it good stuff! it tastes so yummy, i almost can't get enough. maybe it's okay to exist after all.

16th of May: Feels Like Summer

wowie, has it been hot! last night, even long after sunset, the heat was nigh unbearable. we've turned on the air now, so it's been comfortable. i wonder if that means spring is already over? i shouldn't get ahead of myself, though. this is our first really warm day all year. i'll give the season a chance to prove itself, hehe.

also yesterday, i finished Twin Peaks (1990)! now i'm in the middle of the film released in 1992 and... well... i don't like it that much. i expect to be confused because it's Twin Peaks! that's just par for the course! but this movie is so raunchy u.u there's just so much unnecessary nudity and gore... i guess they can get away with it because it's on the silver screen this time. i wonder if the third season, created 25 years later, will be the same?

... not sure why, but i'm just sitting in the dark. it's getting late so i should probably just get in bed. it's not often that i update this at night! i suppose it's because the whole nature of this journal is sunshiney?

9th of May: They're Waving!

when i was a kid, i used to stare out the window and watch the trees, listen to the wind blasting against our house and over the ridge. in my bedroom, i had corner windows— a point of great architectural pride, i always thought— and a good view of a particularly magnificient tree. when the wind blows, it's like all the branches are waving hello. the leaves are dancing. it's green and it's beautiful.

i want to see the redwoods in california. i want to stand next to a living organism so enourmous that i physically cannot comprehend it. i think a lot about how big trees are. bigger than anything...

today is chilly, though the sky is bright. i think i will have a good day. i think i will do fun things and listen to music i like and stretch when my shoulders are stiff. maybe i'll do a little tidying up as well? for now, i'm just going to drink this matcha tea and enjoy the morning ^.^

8th of May: Zero Bug Sightings

my very first entry on this new website...! wow! well i suppose i should start with the weather, as usual? it's a slightly dreary day. the sky is all white and i think it was drizzling earlier. the rain seems to come and go lately, passing by and coming back and saying "see you again same time tomorrow," like it's forgotten its keys on my coffee table or something... i don't mind it though. i bet the flowers are happy ^.^

perhaps i'll write about it more later on, but i have officially migrated from 5AMBF to this new and more aptly titled domain! i forgot how much of a rush i get when starting a new site. i feel like everything is falling into place!! and i'm really proud of how everything is turning out. my layouts are really cool!

i'm listening to The Magnus Archives (2016) podcast again. last summer, i believe, is when i listened to it in full. the show was still in season 4 then, at the beginning. i can't remember much of the overarching plot, so i hope that the wiki page will help me catch up. for now i'm just going through my favourite episodes! i like "65 - Binary," "5 - Thrown Away," and "81 - A Guest for Mr. Spider."

ah, it's raining now! how nice. i wonder if it will last through the night.

Quote of the Month

August 2020

"Nature does not ask your permission, she has nothing to do with your wishes, and whether you like her laws or dislike them, you are bound to accept her as she is, and consequently all her conclusions."

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

May 2020

"I believe in discovering the love that exists and then trying to understand it. Not to invent a love and try to make it exist, but to find what does exist, and then to see what it is."

Jesse Ball, Silence Once Begun


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