2021 January


  1. i cleaned today
  2. like a porchlight left lit
  3. orange (slightly)
  4. i am reclining respectfully
  5. can stuffed animals go in a washing machine?
  6. yowch
  7. i didn't do much today
  8. boooored
  9. blustering breezes!

26th of January

today, it is cold outside! while petsitting, i had to rush to take the dog outside in the blistering cold. i only had on a bathrobe and flip flops. the wind was so chilly! walking back inside, i thought i'd catch a cold. now it's nice and toasty, so i think my health will be okay.

i really like neocities. just typing in this little text editor is very calming, somehow. the past few weeks, i felt disinterested in maintaining my little corner of the web, but all things considered, this is a good hobby! it's cost free and creative, and i get to express myself and connect with others. it feels silly to type it out, but it's okay to be happy. i'm allowed to exist.

lately i've been listening to the true crime podcast My Favourite Murder, of which i was a fan several years ago. back then, i stopped listening because i felt they spent too much time talking about things unrelated to the actual crimes (namely corrections of misinformation from previous episodes). now that i just listen via YouTube, it's a lot easier to skip around the episodes to the parts that i most enjoy.

the hosts are really entertaining, and honestly great for a true crime podcast. i think them being two women just chatting casually about the material makes it feel very comfy. i like that it's not pretentious. i don't listen to My Favourite Murder to get an education or feel scared and bummed out. i listen for a good story. since they both have experience as comedians, they're also very funny. and since they're female, the jokes are actually tasteful!

back when i gave up on My Favourite Murder, (after loving the first 100 episodes!!) i started listening to Last Podcast on the Left. while the hosts are all very knowledgeable on the material, sometimes their jokes were just too cynical and terrible to listen to. it's hard to vibe with male humour about death and violence when i could very well be a murder victim. that's just life when you're a young woman.

looks like it's snowing now. i wonder if it'll stick? i wanna wash my hair soon. i'm learning to do french braids, which should be easy enough to take out every day and redo every night. i'll clean my room, too.

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • snowfall outisde my window
  • delicious water to drink
  • hope... i guess?
  • perseverance
  • podcasts, and any other media i can listen to without looking at a screen
  • Bungo Stray Dogs! the new comedy skit spin-off anime has begun airing, though i haven't seen it yet
  • OMORI was really fun, too. i want to play it more and see the rest of the endings
  • indoor plumbing. that's cool too

19th of January

the sun is shining brightly once again. i've noticed some birds returning even though it's winter. but on colder days like these, it's like the birds disappear all over again. as much as i enjoy their singing, especially when they're right beneath my window, i wish they could have stayed away until spring truly arrives. the weather and the seasons really are messed up...

yesterday i read that manga Homunculus and i didn't like it very much. it was very scary! i felt the fullest of the narrative tension! props to Mr. Hideo Whatever for fulfilling the expectations of the psychological horror genre. even so, the protagonist was so supremely unlikable, and because we experience the story through his eyes, none of the other characters were particularly interesting. at the very least, the art was quite skillful. Homunculus is good as a descent into madness, but not much more...

i feel sleepy today, so i'm grateful that there's not much to do. i think it'll be nice to stay in bed, maybe read a book or play a game. OMORI is really fun, by the way! i'm really interested in where the story is going. i hope that after i finish it, i can experiment to see the bad endings as well. hopefully it's not totally linear, and my choices will actually affect the narrative. we shall see!

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • the fact that i can rest any time i feel sleepy
  • the soft yet firm pillow at my back
  • daylight
  • refreshing water
  • my stuffed animals!!!

11th of January

it's cold today, or so says the frigid air that filled my room the moment i opened my window. towards the afternoon, it became overcast in that wintery way. a pure white sky... i can't complain. it was still rather bright. now, however, it's completely dark outside and i feel like time passed super quickly.

i'm amazed to be reminded of Bittersweet Candy Bowl, the weird catgirl high-school romance webcomic with which i was obsessed as a child. lucy, the protagonist, was my favourite character because she was a cute tsundere who made fun of "girly girls" despite religiously wearing a pink bow around her neck (there is deep backstory about this, i'm sure, i just can't remember it). i think both the author and i had some issues, haha. that's just what happens when you're a tomboy in your youth, i suppose.

but anyway— i was only reminded of it in the first place because WebNeko has cats that look like Lucy and her love interest Michael! (they're so cute... WebNeko as a concept is just very cute!) i was surprised to see them, probably because i somehow feel i was the only person who actually cared about the webcomic despite mountains of evidence to the contrary, even back when i was an active reader. God, that was a decade ago... i wonder what became of the storyline? last i remember, the characters were having some cliche drama about cheerleaders and prom night, or something.

though i was unaware of it at the time, i think i was drawn to the webcomic simply because it was drawn in pencil on printer paper, much like my own forays into the artistic world. i think kids are like that, in general. gravitating towards work that they could feasibly emulate, at least as far as art goes. music, too, maybe. is that why i took up the ukulele? ahaha.

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • books
  • e-mail
  • leftovers waiting in the fridge, ready to be consumed
  • exclamation points!
  • solitude
  • cold drinking water
  • hot showering water

10th of January

i was told that it would be warm outside, but the wind stung my cheeks just as always. i'm longing for weather in which i don't need to wear gloves... at least the sun was shining brightly all day. i've gotten used to the early sunsets.

recently, i realised that i haven't raised my voice in years. i don't think i could scream even if i tried. even the thought of bellowing down the street feels foreign to me, nevermind shrieking in surprise or fear. and this was a realisation made before tonight's incident.

while removing the pit from an avocado, i nearly stabbed clean through my hand. in the end i came away with only a nicked finger and barely any blood, but even in that moment i couldn't scream. i bet if the blade had found its way into my palm i'd just gasp and cry silently, probably laughing awkwardly as i entreated those nearby to witness the horror. in any case i'm glad i didn't get blood all over the kitchen, nor any fresh avocado inside a hypothetical flesh wound.

anyway, OMORI is fun so far. i'm about a third of the way through. my favourite part is the music— really, it's so cute and easy to listen to, and very atmospheric/befitting of the various environments. plus, the art is very, very cute!!! i like the character's expressions!!! and i really enjoy the combat system too (apparently it's similar to Earthbound?) since it keeps battles interesting.

i hope that the story will deliver as well. so far, it's done a good job of making me care about the characters, even if i recognise them as the 2013 tumblr swill they are. OMORI would be much less anachronous if it'd released on schedule...

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • having warm gloves, even though i wish i didn't have to wear them
  • bandaids
  • carebears
  • the OMORI battle theme, which is stuck in my head
  • and the Sweetheart boss music was really good too. i can't wait til Twelve hears it
  • now the End Roll battle theme, too, haha
  • salt
  • soft, warm blankets
  • my bed
  • this Sunday that didn't demand too much of me

7th of January

brrr! chilly today! for once, i'm updating in the morning, as i typically prefer. even though the sun is shining, it's super duper cold out there. it makes me long for spring in a way i'm unsure how to express. i just want to see some tulips again! and leaves on the trees! it'd be nice to hear some birdsong, too... and watch ants scurry around...

i think today can be a good day. busy, perhaps, but good. some things are finally slotting into place, it seems. i'll continue to hope for the best, the most painless affair i can manage.

i also hope i can find time to wash my hair soon, since i look a little busted right now. what a hassle!

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • hold music, but it's actually a wonderful symphony (mozart? haydn?) and not just copyright-free ukulele garbage
  • sunshine
  • gloves
  • Twelve
  • really... Twelve... i'm so grateful for her
  • and all those other people i keep depending on to get stuff done
  • restful sleep
  • the convenience of the modern age

6th of January

it's late evening, and i'm only now realising i did not set foot outside at all today. not even for a second. there was a momentary rush of fresh air when i opened the door to retrieve the mail, but in the end i never made it passed the door. i can't even recall whether or not it was cold outside. oh well. the sunlight was beaming as usual. that's enough of a weather report for me.

i'm recalling a time in high school where i wrote a poem every morning to describe the sky over the city in the distance. all that remains is the phrase "cotton candy sky" and the image of a dark cloud like a cosmic manta ray. it's a shame that these days the view outside my window is far less spectacular. i'll have to write poetry about other things.

there's a maths quiz to take which i am avoiding. also an essay to write for the same course. i'd rather lean back in my seat and shut my eyes than do any actual work... maths are fun though, so maybe i can use that as motivation? quiz tonight. essay tomorrow. lots of boring phone calls tomorrow, too.

funny how i can't sit down and finish a library book but i'll breeze through one-hundred-thousand words of fanfiction in just a few days. it's all about perspective, huh! i'm embarrassed to have held onto those books for so long, even though i know i'm the only local who would have enough interest to check them out. in any case, i ought to return them soon. i want to finish them.

so weird to make plans for the next day. i feel like there's so much to do, too much to tackle in a single day, but really... the days are long. so long. 24 hours is a long time. 16 hours of wakefulness can feel even longer. maybe i should just wing it...

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • when something so outrageous happens on the news that they don't even run commercials, if only so i don't have to see the same adverts over and over again. it's like playing a podcast on tv.
  • 2 litre water bottle
  • i can wear a scarf inside and nobody will scoff at me
  • patience
  • resolve
  • overdramatic true crime documentaries initially aired on daytime television
  • shelter
  • a bed to sleep in
  • internet
  • the supercomputer in my pocket.

4th of January

another bright, sunny winter day. the snow that came down yesterday has already melted away, leaving only greenish grass and a blue sky behind. i have places to walk today... not looking forward to it, but i'll do my best. i'll feel better when it's done! that's a certainty!

this morning, i tried some hibiscus tea. it's really not my thing! fruit teas are a huge turn-off for some reason... there is also some peppermint tea i've yet to try. if i remember correctly, i used to like that flavour. i'll give it a shot sometime soon!

there's a new navigational page!!! it's very cute!!! the links back home are broken on all my other pages, but i don't care to fix it just yet. i'd like to make another navigational hub for the "hobby" link, since it's more than just music... and it'd be nice to fix up the archives as well.

oh right! and an 88x31 button!!! i had fun making it. i want to make more...

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • Twelve
  • the three or four years i spent obsessed with Undertale
  • stretches
  • how awesome my legs will look after i walk a couple miles today
  • neocities
  • stickers
  • waking up at 4 a.m. gives the whole day a wonderful kickstart

2nd of January

it's so late at night, i've already forgotten if it was cold outside or not. it's more fun to update in the afternoons, yet lately i've been waiting til the very end of the evening... why is that? at the very least, i ought to check on the weather during the day. right now all i can tell is that it's dark!

i spent most of today fiddling with a new design for the index page and working on a new navigation hub as well. it's all very fun!!! i get so absorbed in it. where does the time go, i wonder...

wasted away the last of daylight taking anime personality quizzes. i did lots for bungou stray dogs, and the majority opinion is that i'm most like ranpo. i can see it, sort of, but it's more like an anachronism at this point.

very tired, somehow... i want to lay down for a long time.

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • fluffy pillows
  • chance encounters
  • patience
  • music i downloaded a year ago and never listened to til today
  • piano
  • the me of yesterday who cleaned my room

1st of January

2021... start!

right now, it's nighttime and dark outside. i think it's been raining. to my surprise there was hail in the late afternoon, even though i found the morning to be quite warm and pleasant. in any case, it doesn't feel much like the dead of winter. everything is very green.

my very first action of 2021 was listening to Mindless Self Indulgence's "It Gets Worse" and going back to sleep. then when i woke up, i cleaned my entire room! feels nice, knowing at least the first day of the year was productive. i won't delude myself into thinking it'll become a regular thing. for now, i just want to enjoy how pristine it all is. the bathtub has never been so spotless.

i'll continue passing the days just as i did before, flitting from one vague desire to the next. i think i'll play that OMORI game sometime soon, now that it's finally come out after all these years. however, i think it'd be more fun to work on this website!!! it'll be nice to change up the fonts and redesign things. the only thing i really have to do right now is be convincingly alive, so why not?

today, someone asked me what kind of alcohol i like. i replied "anything that'll get me drunk." secretly, i hope that means there is some vodka in my future.

Happy Today!

i'm grateful for...

  • those giant boxes of disinfectant wipes
  • a warm, soft bed into which i am excited to collapse
  • sunshine
  • rain pitter pattering
  • Ichiko Aoba's weird, ambient noise album??
  • vacuum cleaners, and their handheld attachments
  • Twelve
  • Neocities
  • chamomile tea. so relaxing