Five: God's Chosen Chuuya Kin

obvious things first: the superficial

i am abnormally small. standing at 160cm, Chuuya is a full 10cm shorter than the average japaense male, coinciding perfectly with my own stats— a 162cm national average versus my height, 152cm. honestly, i don't hate being small. it has its perks and drawbacks just like all things in life. even so, like him i have something of a complex surrounding this deficit. it's difficult not to, especially since we both obsess over aesthetics. personal image is very important to us, for identities' as well as relationships' sake (more on that later). where Chuuya retains an air of chic refinement, i bring the same energy to capitalise on cuteness. that said, i do envy Chuuya's style. if i could get away with it, i'd wear his outfit everday!

i'm a total lightweight. Twelve often tells me "you have it so easy," her tone a mixture of amazement, exasperation, and jealousy in equal measure. it's true— after just one dark beer, i'm totally gone. of course, my taste in booze is nowhere near as sophisticated as Chuuya's, but if i had mafia blood money to splurge, i'd go for the top-shelf wine too. if you were not yet convinced, please know that my summer job actually pays me in beer. while it's not something i ever imagined i'd brag about, c'est la vie ねえ？

the gang gets introspective

i am extremely reactive. regardless of the tight reign on my temper, minor provocation does get to me. my sensitiviy stems from the same place as Chuuya's hair-trigger aggression: a problem-solving compulsion. not one to aim for riches or fame, Chuuya plays defense, quick to restore order when something shakes up his world. for instance, as Sheep's leader his spirited policy on revenge ("attack us and we'll strike back twice as hard!") contrasts with their disinclination to stake out new territory. on a smaller scale, Chuuya is fairly agreeable— level-headed, even— when treated respectfully. sadly, the little screentime he gets is oversaturated with Dazai's teasing, who loves to hit where it hurts. for what it's worth, Twelve winds me up just as easily. in any case, i pounce on whatever seems amiss and, like a dog with a bone, i just won't let go.

i'm actually kind of mean. you wouldn't know it unless you chat me up one-on-one. especially here on 5amgf, i emphasise positivity not just for my reputation, but because it makes for a less depressing reread. in private, however, i'm a ruthless critic. Chuuya also loves to talk shit and say bad words, whether it's light-hearted teasing or an effort to blow off steam. the rush i get from bullying calls to mind my flair for the dramatic. both of us are total show-offs, so i'll take any opportunity to let loose.

at the same time, i can't leave people to suffer on their own. i'm something of a softie, and back when i had friends i was essentially the groupchat therapist. Chuuya may be too prideful to admit it, but he truly cares about his people and does what he can to help. he even goes out of his way for strangers! funnily enough, he often has to remind himself that he's mafia and shouldn't be seen doing any good deeds— definitely not escorting old ladies across the street. that hilarious dilemma reminds me of my youthful obsession with becoming evil and waging psychological warfare against an arch nemesis. much to my chagrin, these goals were continually thwarted by my natural kindheartedness. as a sign of maturity, i have settled for kindating.

the part where i overshare

i am a moral chameleon. as strict concepts, "good" and "bad," "right" and "wrong," coupled with efforts to categorise people and actions according to those dichotomies, all mean very little to me. if that makes me shallow, then so be it. my priorities, harmony and quick problem-solving, necessitate the adoption of other's expectations and codes. like Chuuya, i am tethered only to the universal tenets of basic empathy and common decency— otherwise i don't really care. there is safety in accomodating others. that safety is what i'm after.

i'm obsessive, particularly in relationships. i have a pattern of becoming attached to a specific person and investing all my energy in them, as if i'm addicted to my own devotion. in Chuuya's case, his obsession with Dazai walks a tightrope line between a pressing desire to kill him and desperate attempts to save him. for me, throttling and cuddling Twelve is just another Tuesday. going further, i also fixate on self-discovery and understanding, which are Chuuya's primary motivations in his backstory.

i have been betrayed, abandoned, and blamed for it. rather than regale you with an overwraught trauma narrative, just picture Chuuya's backstory. now scale it down from "national catastrophe" to "depressing therapy session" and strikethrough all the gang violence. similar to his desperation to protect Sheep from extermination despite their assassination attempt minutes earlier, i harbour no hatred for the ones who discarded me. all i can do is move forward, subordinate myself to somebody new.

bonus round! so irrelevant it hurts

telekinesis is my favourite superpower. as far back as my early childhood, when asked what superhuman ability i'd most like to have, telekinesis was my immediate answer. in those days, the scope narrowly included levitating the tv remote to free up buttery fingers for popcorn; maybe floating up or down the stairs if i felt too fatigued to walk. it's not like i actually fight crime or anything. now though, as a Bungou Stray Dogs fan, Chuuya has shown me the true potential of gravity manipulation. my conclusion? it's cool as hell, cooler than i ever realised. despite conflicting feelings about his gift, Chuuya wields his power with a grace and severity that i find really charming.

motorcycles are cool. when i was little, long before Dead Apple was even an impulse on Asagiri's synapses, i wanted to ride motorcycles. why? because they're awesome and flashy! in the end i grew up too short to even stand in line for rollercoasters, so that's one dream lying dead in the water. no matter. nowadays i prefer traditional bicycles.