Dazai merchandise i do not own
just as Dazai looks longingly at that photo of Chuuya, knowing the one man capable of loving him has been too thoroughly beaten and betrayed to ever return his affections, i too pine after Dazai merchandise. it hurts to know i will never have them in my possession. i doubt i'll even see them in real life. perhaps, if i'm lucky, i'll one day stumble upon an authentic keychain and henceforth carry it with me everywhere— literally in my hand— like an acrylic appendage.
Mochi Mochi mascot Dazai
i like this one because he's so soft and cute, great for hugs and cuddles. doesn't he look like a little potato? a bean bag? a plush grenade with a human face? well pull the pin and blow us all to kingdom come— i want to adopt him. he can live in a doll-sized crib next to the bed where Twelve and i sleep. every morning, i'll give him a bath and then wring him out like a wet towel. ♥
fig. 2: breakfast with dazai
Dazai Nendroids
unlike mochis, nendroids are too small to play or cuddle with, but they are just the right size for a midday snack. add Dazai to any dish for some extra spice! for a start, consider instant ramen. on its own, it's not very filling, so i like to embellish it with all sorts of yummy things, like boiled eggs, meatballs, steamed vegetables, and microplastics.
below is a quick and easy recipe for すごくうまい太宰治のラーメン (lit. Super Delicious Dazai Osamu Noodles) exactly how i make it for myself at home. bring this 10-minute masterpiece to the potluck and drive all the other fujos wild!
the only recipe you'll ever need
+ 
= 
believe it or not, that's not all nendroids are good for.
ready for the pitch? *ahem*
the setting sun on all other shooting companions
are you bored of the standard targets at the gun range because their impersonality fails to ignite the rage welling deep in your core? well, look no further than the Dazai nendo! standing at 100mm, with colourful and expressive features, he makes for a great target at any distance. rest assured, one direct shot will blow his tiny plastic body to smithereens. as you gaze upon his fragmented remains, you'll be overwhelmed by a catharsis that finally heals the trauma you've carried for far too long. buy today! if that cheeky face doesn't motivate you to hit your mark, nothing will.
disclaimer: neither the purchase nor slaying of the Target Practice Dazai Nendo™ will turn you into Chuuya.
nope, it just won't happen. in fact, that would be altogether absurd, because i'm Chuuya and you can't be me, can you?
1:15 scale Dazai Nendroid Doll
i am obsessed with this little man's baby-sized clothes. that is all.
Bungou Stray Dogs Wan! Hoikuen Acrylic Stands
there is no one in the world more deserving of the limited edition BSD Wan! kindergarten merchandise than me, the 5 a.m. girlfriend, God-appointed Chuuya kinnie and ultimate Dazai fan. in fact, i am so deserving that any further explanation goes without saying. the first person to place official kindergarten Soukoku merchandise in my open hand will be spared during the extermination event. i am waiting. patiently. but i wonder, is the doomsday clock ticking down to mass extinction as benevolent as i? hmmm i dunno... if i were you i wouldn't risk it...